My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
