If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
