I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
