We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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