I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
