i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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