i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You made out with two different species that night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
