his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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