They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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