You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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