so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
