Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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