You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
