He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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