just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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