my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
