There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
