Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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