how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
