it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
