when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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