and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
