is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
