If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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