dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
