I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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