I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize