don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
