I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize