why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
