Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
