just come out here and I will go home with you...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize