after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You made out with two different species that night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
