It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
