you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
