White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
