he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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