he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
