I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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