he shaved USA in his pubs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
