Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
