it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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