just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
