my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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