FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
