oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
