Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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