You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
