By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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