So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
