i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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