I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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