did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
