one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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