he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You ruined the universe
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
