She said her name was "party"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
