I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
