Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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