the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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