it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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