Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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