Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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