Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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