Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
