You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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