My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
