Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
